26 May

Going by the exact date. Today is the 1 month mark for my internship. I joined this company on the 26th of apr. 1 month has past, but it feels like there is still a long way to go. Am looking forward to my reservist as by then I can really see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Things are going fine at work. Although it could be better, but I'm still grateful of what I am enjoying now. The culture in the company is quite relax. Although I try to come by 8.30 every morning, but I'll join the other interns in the pantry until around 9+. Then go back to my seat, check my personal emails and stuffs before I get to work. My boss don't come in the morning for tues and wed. So I don't need to worry about my conduct too much. Not to say that I do anything weird, but its a relief to know that there is nobody supervising you.

Initially remember that I complain about my cubicle being very empty with no one. The other intern had moved into my area and now I feel alot better. At least at the edge of my sight. I can see someone else working beside me. I can just turn my head and have someone to talk to. There is more life in the area and I enjoy sitting here alot better. Next time if I am a manager, I'll ensure that the cubicle walls are low.

The other intern also brought some life to the office life. When I am alone, I do not dare to slack. Or, there is not much things that I can do to slack. But, after they come, we would go to the pantry for drink or walk around during work. Lunch time is also more fun and we really make full use of the 'extended' lunch hours. At least now I don't feel alone. There is someone else in the same boat, doing a internship. Someone who we can bitch about the company together. These are the small little things that makes life more bearable in the office. Although we belong to different departments, it does not make a difference when you are an intern. Just like in the army.

There is this acne at the back of my neck that is giving me a headache all day since yesterday. Must be the horrible weather that makes it too warm for the back of my head when I rest on the pillow. Its damn annoying and you can do nothing about it. Hope it goes off soon.

1.45pm. My boss is back in the office. Haiz... but life goes on. 4 more hours to go before the end of the day. Tomorrow is the last working day of the week already. Been looking forward to it the whole week. Finally can enjoy a long weekend.

31 May

Monday. 9.25am. Boss came late to office today. Damn sian. Just went to another colleague for help but was turned down. Not that I blame her cos its really not part of her job to help me on this matter. Hate it when my boss just divert my questions to anyone else instead of just answering it and solving the problem. Then now I have to keep bothering people and get on their nerves. Those who knows me will know that I hate bothering people. I would try my very best to look for answers on my own before asking people. I have always believed that this is the way I learn and got to knowledge I have today. I never like to rely on others for information. So what I am doing now is clearly going against my very nature and I am very very unhappy about this. If I can quit, I would have quit.

Now I am starting to feel that its my boss that is making things difficult, rather than the job itself. Things would have been much much easier if he could just point me in the correct direction rather than just throw me to random person to have my questions answered.

Oh well... just have to endure till the end of this internship. Nothing much I can do as an intern. Life sux. actually, not really. my boss sux. Haha.

Checked my horoscope today. It says that I can find temporary escape from the mundane work but it will be short lived so I better make good use of it. Well. Its kind of true that i have nothing to do now. So hopefully I can enjoy these moments of peace before my boss throws me some more work to do.

I think my boss spoils all my motivation to do well for this job. If I really liked this job, Ill try to do my best. But then now I kind of treat it just like a temp job. Slack as much as I can, don't ask for work. And just become transparent till the end of the internship.

Haha... okay. I really have a lot of time on my hand as of now. Nothing I can do on my com. The other intern is sleeping. Oh.. I know what I can do. Go to oasis and check out the new intern that is coming tmr. Haha... I shall do it now. I'll come back if I still have time after checking it out. lol.

OMG. Haha... I just checked out the photo on oasis. Although the oasis photos are hardly a good representation of how we look like. I think he's someone in my SCM class. =x Haha. Pity him for working 6 months down here. Well, actually it might not be that bad lar, at least he will be under another guy instead of my boss. The other colleague looks alot more friendlier than my boss. I guess perhaps it the trade off. Get a good boss and work 6 months. Or get a lousy one and work 3 months. Perhaps when you get a good boss, 6 months might just seem like 6 weeks, and a lousy boss will make 3 months feel like 3 years. So I guess there is hardly any comparision. Just my luck for getting this internship. Well this is still better than no internship at all lar. So shouldn't complain so much. Humans, or perhaps singaporeans just likes to complain lar. No action done other than talking. So, no harm done :)

Yay. Its 10.15 now. One intern is typing this blog entry, one is playing around his excel. The last one is best. Sleeping in the office. Haha. Thats the life of an intern :D Actually I admire his guts to sleep in the office. I can never dare to do that. Actually, they are also quite lucky to get the job. 2 person doing 1 person's job. So they can take turn to do it. But in actual fact. Its only one guy doing the job. The other just sleep the whole day. If I were to one teaming up with him, I sure very dulan. How can I do all the work while he is sleeping. So yar, the sleeping guy is also fortunate to get a nice buddy. Poor me, alone in my department. No one to share the work load with. No one to gossip about my boss.

Woah... this entry is really getting very long. Haha. its 10.19 already. Spend about 1/2 hr typing this entry. Time to go toilet again. Lol... Later come back if got time then I continue typing.

I'm back. Haha. I think I hold the record of going to the toilet for the most number of times in the office. LOL. I keep leaving my seat to go toilet. Other than that I also go to the pantry for water. So I kind of keep leaving my seat. Luckily I am seated at a corner and the toilet is pretty much accessible to me. I do not have to walk past any one else to get to it.

Almost 10.30 now. Lol... and this entry is still growing longer by the minute. It really shows how bored I am at work. Not that I hate it, given the kind of boss that I have. But its still quite sian. Okay, shall not complain about having no work to do. Otherwise work might just fall right from the sky and stress me again. Hope I can really get past this morning doing nothing at all. :D A good way to start a week.

Okay... I have run out of things to say. Guess that will be the end of this entry. Gonna move on to do something else to kill time.

6 Jul.

Things really went crazy after my last entry. Lots of things happened. Lots of screw ups. Almost quit the job. But now... all is peaceful again. Awaiting another bubble to burst. Another 1 month to go. Please let the bubble burst only after I leave. Its tuesday now. Counting down to the end of my internship. The other 2 interns are ending next friday. I am so envious of them. Finally can get out of this shit hole. I guess they don't hate the internship as much as I do, since they only did some basic stuffs. They are so insignificant that nobody cares about them. They are free to do whatever they want. And they are paid the same pay as me. How can the world be so unfair? You may argue that its the experience that counts. I have gone through and learnt so much more than them. But it is not enough to justify my sufferning. If given a choice, I would rather have their job.

So yar... 1 more month to go. I'm just looking forward to the other intern's last day of work. When that comes, it also means that I have only 3 weeks left. 3 weeks left to my freedom.

7 Jul.

Okay... I'm receiving less work from my boss. Don't know the reason. But I'm hoping that he realise he shouldn't push me too hard rather than me actually having work to do but I don't know. Hope it stays like this for the rest of the internship then I happy already. I think I have seen quite enough work for this already.

Stomach feeling very bloated now. Must be all the sitting down after lunch. I seriously need to exercise. 2 weeks of reservist didn't manage to slim me down.

Reservist is not too bad. Although the planning kind of sux. Lots of 'snow balling' with our 'not that he is incompetent' OC. But heck, its the frens that you have that makes reservist fun. It is almost like we have never left before. Still the same group of people. Doing the same old stuffs. lots of complaining, little work done. The typical army lifestyle. No responsibility, no worries. How nice if that could be work life.

Perhaps it can be. 2 ways to do it. Either you be a boss in singapore, or go some less developed country to live. Its not easy to start a business, neither it is to give up all the comfort of living in a developed country. But working in singapore is not a very good option either.

Hohoho.... 4.30 already. 1 more hour to go and wednesday will be over!!! Then its only 2 more days till the end of this week. Hopefully nothing big happens. I think my boss is busy with other stuffs to even be bothered about me. Then he starts to give the other intern more work. So yar... hopefully things continues this way for the rest of the internship.

Saw a pair of glasses by porsche design. Quite nice leh. Black half frame and red at the side. Looks cool. But somehow the frame don't look that nice on my face.

Haiz... duno whether to get the specs or to use the money to get a new phone. Although the phone would be much more expensive than the specs. Haha...

Still considering whether I should spend that extra money to get the data plan or not. My current phone won't be able to fully utilise the data plan due to limited functions. However, getting another phone that runs andriod OS is gonna be more expensive. but I really want to have the web at the palm of my hand leh....

I don't understand why I need to live in constant fear of my boss. I listen and react to every movement he makes. Every creak of his chair would alert me. Why? This kind of life is unbearable. I am starting to wonder if my decision to stay on is the correct one. How am I going to survive till the end of the internship? Luck will run out one day and shit will start to happen again. I had imagined that if I had not come back, perhaps I would feel happier. Yes, I'll get bored very soon. But, boredom is surely better than fear isn't it? I can just find things to do, or perhaps indulge into the dark side for a while. It still beats coming to work under such conditions.

Argh... another slightly more than 30 mins to go. Boss still seems to be occupied with his own work to bother about me. Guess today will pass just like this. Still deciding where to have dinner later. Need to drop off some books at the library.

9 Jul.

After a fury events that happened just now. I decided that I should relax till lunch. Its 11.10am now. Haha. Okay lar, not so exaggerated. But my mind is not in the mood to do any work now. Its friday again! Haha... successfully survived the first week coming back to work. 4 more weeks to go!

12 Jul.

Personal life has been a daze for the past weeks. I've been venturing into the dark side and it starts to cloud many things. I think its about time to stop now. This time round, however, wasn't like the previous few times. I had a aim, a target that I am looking for. This time round, I know what I wanted...

So for the past 2 or more weeks... I've been searching for the thing that I'm looking for. Many options appeared. There is one that I really like. But, it is not ready yet. I thought it would be, I thought given some effort it would be. I really wanted it... but in the end. It just wasn't ready. Its like some sub atomic particle, uncertain, confused, unstable. There goes the happy ending. It was almost the perfect thing that I am looking for, except for its unstable properties. I really hope it would stablize one day and I could hold it again in my hands. For now... as much as I hate it.... I have to let it go... I wish for it to one day be able to stablise and harmonize with itself. To realise that there is nothing wrong, if it is done in a proper way. It is almost a risk free thing and it yields satisfying results. Where on earth can you find such a risk free asset with high yield?

After many years in this field. I have come to realise what I am really looking for. I am tired of the many bad habits in this field. Those are highly volatile assets that can really turn into huge liability if handled wrongly. SO I really just want to find a safe, blue chip that I can own, perhaps for the rest of my life. But its not that easy. Unlike stock markets where blue chips company are clearly marked. In this field, they aren't and they are rare. So I am really having a hard time discovering them.

But nonetheless, after weeks of venturing into the dark side. I found some potential ones.So I guess its time to stop going into the dark side as I might just lose control one day...

Hopefully these potential items would be useful.

15 Jul

OMG... the time bomb that I have been working on and building up for the past 2 months is gonna blow up very very soon. =X The next few days will be critical as they are going to action on what I have done for the past 2 months. This is not a good thing cos what I have done the past 2 months is just building up this huge bomb. The bomb should have been diffused when at first I said I wanted to quit. But, my boss let me stayed on and continue bomb building! haha... Praying hard that somehow the blast would be contained. =X Otherwise I would really be fried. Yikes... Okay... actually this is not entirely my fault. Well you can say that 60% is, but the other 40% is because of my boss. So, in this sense, my boss actually contributed 40% to this bomb. Haha... How can you let someone so inexperience handle such a shit without any good guidance. He even dare to go for a holiday in the middle of it. So of course the bomb grew out of proportion while he is away.

Haiz... I seems to be leaving bombs around when I work. Haha... It was like that in my previous job also. But somehow, it didn't really cause too big an explosion I think, considering that I didnt feel any tremor after I left. Haha...
This time round it I made another bomb again. I think the more responsibility I have, the bigger bomb I make. Haha... this bomb is really huge compared to the one in my previous employment. I wonder how I am going to work next time. I won't have a chance to escape when it is a perm job. Unless I keep changing jobs lar. Haha...

21 Jul.

Its a wednesday. My boss just came to work not too long ago. A mini time bomb is just waiting to explode. One of our forwarder has not given us the data we wanted. And my boss has been asking for it for the past few days. Damn sian to be stuck in the middle. It is obviously not my fault that the forwarder have not sent the information. But first person my boss will open fire at is me. Ok lar. not as if he will scold me. But I dun like the way he talks to me.

Haiz... only about 1 more week to go. Today is wednesday. Tomorrow will be thursday and friday will be the end of this week. Next monday, things will start to be a bit different as friday will be my unofficial last day when my boss goes for his reservist in the last week of my internship. So yar. Just a few more days to go till the end of the nightmare. Ok lar, when this entire shit is over, I'll look back and be glad that I had such a experience. Although it is not exactly a good experience, but nevertheless it is still an experience. But until then... which is less than 2 weeks later. I'll still curse and swear when I'm on this job.

I wonder if this is a case of 'one is not supposed to wish for something that is not yours' I think I might have mentioned before, I only got this job after praying for it. Well... perhaps I should learn that I shouldn't ask for things that are not supposed to be mine. I should have applied for another internship. But anyway... now that I come to think of it. I didn't specifically asked for this job did I? I don't think so. I did ask for an internship, but I didn't specify which one. So yar... actually this may not really apply. Haha... Oh well... I'll just leave it here in the entry. It's still a thought that I have.

Argh... Feeling like shit now. Bomb are just exploding out of nowhere. I can't understand how would anyone be able to take work like this. Living under the fear of your boss. Be on alert the whole time. Respond almost immediately when he calls out your name.

22 Jul

Damn sian... its only 3pm now... still got like 2.5 hours to go... Can't take it anymore. Its thursday already. The count down has already began. Haha... my boss realises that I do not have much time left. But then... shit will still continue until next week. At least till wednesday.

Argh... duno how am I gonna kill time for the rest of the day. Not in the mood to do any work now. Actually. I haven't been in the mood to do anything for the past few days. haha... Perhaps its because I know that I will be leaving soon.

26 Jul

Haiz... its already the last unofficial week I'm at the company already. Yet my boss is still throwing shit at me. Don't know what is wrong with him. The month of july hasn't ended yet he is already demanding the jul report from his forwarders. Then the poor me have to get stucked in the middle. My boss needs the report, but the forwarders cannot provide me with it. Well... technically it is not my fault, but I just don't like the way things are. I don't like the way he does things as well. Rushing people for no good reason. It is not as if he is the biggest or the only customers that our forwarders have. They also have other work to do. Who are you to expect their staffs to work at your beck and call?

4 more days to go. 2 is a half day. So actually its only 3 more days. Just have to bear with this shit.

Argh... somemore I'm not in the mood to take all this shit now. Slept ard 12pm last night. Went to play lan. Haha... then half way through my sleep I was woken up by the rain. So I didn't get the rest I needed. Juz now went toilet to try to sleep. Haha... guess I was really desperate. Couldn't take it anymore. I thought I only took awhile, but then realise that it was actually 15 minutes already. So I went back to work.

2 Aug

Something happened that made me gave up any hopes for a good farewell to my boss. What kind of boss will go and calculate every single day of your internship? To ask you to pay back that day. That was the case with the reservist. Fine, it was a 2 week absence which I can understand. But, last friday was the ultimate. I took a urgent leave for a good reason, and now he intends to pursue this matter by asking me to extend or take a pay cut. What kind of boss would do such a thing?

At first I thought maybe I still can have a good ending after all these shit that I have to go through under him. Still planning to meet him for lunch for a proper goodbye. But now I guess, forget it. I have enough of his nonsense.

This shit should have ended that time before my reservist. I have given myself, and also him a second chance. But now it seems like the fault isn't mine. He is just a f**k up A**hole.

Argh.... Just have to get pass this week. Hope he never calls again. I will try to not pick up the calls.

4 Aug.

Wednesday. Final countdown of the last 3 days of my work. Feeling the peace after the storm now. Almost 4 months of suffering is coming to an end. Almost cleared my work now. Did what I could. Boss is not around to pick trouble. So thats the end. WHen he comes back, I'll be gone. No more worries. Well. Didn't managed to build any network in this company. Somehow the environment is just not condusive for such things. Especially in my department. People just do their own stuffs and seldom interact. Hopefully I'll end up in a better internship next time.

Nowadays I've been coming into office late. Around 9.30. I don't have to wake up at 6.15 anymore. I can sleep till almost 7 and then catch the 8am train. Good that I can come in later. Since I don't have much to do. When I come in at 9.30. Lunch time is only about 2 hours away. 2 hours is just about the right length for me to do my stuffs and not get bored.

Haiz... its not that I wan to be like this. So slack. If this is a company and position that is worth my effort. Then I do not mind working hard. But after all these months I see how my boss treats me. I totally give up on doing my best for this company. This company is a sinking ship. The internal process are all screwed up. We are just fighting fires everyday without addressing the root of the problem. If this is my perm job, then okay. I'll need to initiate some changes. However, I am only here on an internship. There is no point for me to suggest any changes. So yar... I'm just here to do my job and then go off.

Oh well... just my luck to have such a boss.