Haiz.... its sunday night. Lucky I dun need to book in yet for now. But in the future, things might change.

But although I should be glad that I'm given such privileges. I am not really happy about booking in. In the course of my army life, I've been to 3 places, Tekong, Nee Soon and my current one Sungei Gedong. The experience and feelings of booking in is quite different between them.

Booking in to my first place in Tekong is the worst. Before even booking in, I'm already starting to think about booking out. The feeling is terrible. But then, there is still something to look forward to... the day of POP where I don't have to book in again to the place again. And yes, the day had came and I'm freed from that place.

Booking in to my second place is the best of all. It doesn't even feel like booking in. I feel like I'm just returning to my second home. Its a relax and 'painless' process. I don't countdown to my next book out, because I didn't even feel that I've booked in. Sometimes, I even feel happy about booking in. I really miss that place.

My current camp is actually in the middle of the two. I dun hate it as much as tekong, but there is still some pain felt. I find no reason for me to be happy about booking in. Something is just missing...

I guess its about the people there. K lar... I get along fine with the people there. But then the relationship is just normal acquaintance. Perhaps we haven't gone tru much together, thats why our bonding is not there yet. But then... I feel that thats not entirely the problem. Another thing is that I have a very small pool of people to select a group or a person to cling onto.

I've been thinking about the way I interact with people.

It seems that when I'm being introduced to a new environment. I would look around and find a group where I can fit it. Once in there, I would mix around with people within the group, and seldom with people from outside the group. It is almost such that I stop taking initiative to know people from outside the group. My contacts will only expand when the people in my group bring in other friends to my group. And then from within the group. I would find specifically someone that I will cling onto. So even when the group disperse to do their own things, I will still have someone to cling onto.

It seems abit weird but then, I see this pattern being repeated again and again whenever I get to new places. Sometimes I feel like I'm a parasite. I need a host to cling onto in order to survive.

And right now. Because the pool of people is very small. I am unable to find a group that I can fit into completely. Thus I am not able to find a person that I can cling onto. For now... there is this temporary group that I am in and this temporary person that I cling onto. But then... because I don't really fit inside. I am only loosely hooked on. I'm still searching for my new group and until then may I truly find a good reason for me to book in to camp.