Well... this is supposed to be part of a psychology test. But I think that it would be nice that I keep a record of it here. To record my thoughts and feelings towards death and life at this very moment in my life.

If I die today......

Tan Boon Kiat had died on 09 September 2010. He died peacefully in his sleep. Life ended abruptly for him. He no longer needs to wake up to study, work, or even live the life that he had. There were many regrets, things about his life that he would have wanted otherwise. But then none of them matters too much. Life is short, and it ends soon. Regrets only last for the final moments till your death. After death, regrets ends with it too. He would like to thank everyone for making his life so wonderful, well, though not the one that he would have wanted most, but still, a nice and comfortable one. He would like to especially thank his parents for all the support and freedom that they had given him over the years to pursue what he likes. He would miss all of us. He wishes that everyone not be too upset over his death. Death is an inevitable end; he wants everyone to just remember that he was part of their life.

If I die in 50 years time......

Tan Boon Kiat had died on 09 September 2060. He has died peacefully in his dreams. It was a very nice dream that he was having when he died. There was a faint smile on his face as he passed on. Days before his death, he told his children and grand children to not be too upset if he passed away. He had lived a wonderful life, and met many wonderful people. His children are the best legacy that he had left behind as he had given them more than what was given to him. And to his wife, there are many feelings that cannot be expressed in words, or rather, words are inadequate to express the love for her and his wish for her to live on strongly without his physical presence and continue to care and love everyone in their lives. She would only need to feel with her heart and would realise that the message was there all along throughout their lives and nothing more can be said when it has come to an end. To all his friends, he would like to thank them for all the wonderful experience they had together.

26 May

Going by the exact date. Today is the 1 month mark for my internship. I joined this company on the 26th of apr. 1 month has past, but it feels like there is still a long way to go. Am looking forward to my reservist as by then I can really see the light at the end of this tunnel.

Things are going fine at work. Although it could be better, but I'm still grateful of what I am enjoying now. The culture in the company is quite relax. Although I try to come by 8.30 every morning, but I'll join the other interns in the pantry until around 9+. Then go back to my seat, check my personal emails and stuffs before I get to work. My boss don't come in the morning for tues and wed. So I don't need to worry about my conduct too much. Not to say that I do anything weird, but its a relief to know that there is nobody supervising you.

Initially remember that I complain about my cubicle being very empty with no one. The other intern had moved into my area and now I feel alot better. At least at the edge of my sight. I can see someone else working beside me. I can just turn my head and have someone to talk to. There is more life in the area and I enjoy sitting here alot better. Next time if I am a manager, I'll ensure that the cubicle walls are low.

The other intern also brought some life to the office life. When I am alone, I do not dare to slack. Or, there is not much things that I can do to slack. But, after they come, we would go to the pantry for drink or walk around during work. Lunch time is also more fun and we really make full use of the 'extended' lunch hours. At least now I don't feel alone. There is someone else in the same boat, doing a internship. Someone who we can bitch about the company together. These are the small little things that makes life more bearable in the office. Although we belong to different departments, it does not make a difference when you are an intern. Just like in the army.

There is this acne at the back of my neck that is giving me a headache all day since yesterday. Must be the horrible weather that makes it too warm for the back of my head when I rest on the pillow. Its damn annoying and you can do nothing about it. Hope it goes off soon.

1.45pm. My boss is back in the office. Haiz... but life goes on. 4 more hours to go before the end of the day. Tomorrow is the last working day of the week already. Been looking forward to it the whole week. Finally can enjoy a long weekend.

31 May

Monday. 9.25am. Boss came late to office today. Damn sian. Just went to another colleague for help but was turned down. Not that I blame her cos its really not part of her job to help me on this matter. Hate it when my boss just divert my questions to anyone else instead of just answering it and solving the problem. Then now I have to keep bothering people and get on their nerves. Those who knows me will know that I hate bothering people. I would try my very best to look for answers on my own before asking people. I have always believed that this is the way I learn and got to knowledge I have today. I never like to rely on others for information. So what I am doing now is clearly going against my very nature and I am very very unhappy about this. If I can quit, I would have quit.

Now I am starting to feel that its my boss that is making things difficult, rather than the job itself. Things would have been much much easier if he could just point me in the correct direction rather than just throw me to random person to have my questions answered.

Oh well... just have to endure till the end of this internship. Nothing much I can do as an intern. Life sux. actually, not really. my boss sux. Haha.

Checked my horoscope today. It says that I can find temporary escape from the mundane work but it will be short lived so I better make good use of it. Well. Its kind of true that i have nothing to do now. So hopefully I can enjoy these moments of peace before my boss throws me some more work to do.

I think my boss spoils all my motivation to do well for this job. If I really liked this job, Ill try to do my best. But then now I kind of treat it just like a temp job. Slack as much as I can, don't ask for work. And just become transparent till the end of the internship.

Haha... okay. I really have a lot of time on my hand as of now. Nothing I can do on my com. The other intern is sleeping. Oh.. I know what I can do. Go to oasis and check out the new intern that is coming tmr. Haha... I shall do it now. I'll come back if I still have time after checking it out. lol.

OMG. Haha... I just checked out the photo on oasis. Although the oasis photos are hardly a good representation of how we look like. I think he's someone in my SCM class. =x Haha. Pity him for working 6 months down here. Well, actually it might not be that bad lar, at least he will be under another guy instead of my boss. The other colleague looks alot more friendlier than my boss. I guess perhaps it the trade off. Get a good boss and work 6 months. Or get a lousy one and work 3 months. Perhaps when you get a good boss, 6 months might just seem like 6 weeks, and a lousy boss will make 3 months feel like 3 years. So I guess there is hardly any comparision. Just my luck for getting this internship. Well this is still better than no internship at all lar. So shouldn't complain so much. Humans, or perhaps singaporeans just likes to complain lar. No action done other than talking. So, no harm done :)

Yay. Its 10.15 now. One intern is typing this blog entry, one is playing around his excel. The last one is best. Sleeping in the office. Haha. Thats the life of an intern :D Actually I admire his guts to sleep in the office. I can never dare to do that. Actually, they are also quite lucky to get the job. 2 person doing 1 person's job. So they can take turn to do it. But in actual fact. Its only one guy doing the job. The other just sleep the whole day. If I were to one teaming up with him, I sure very dulan. How can I do all the work while he is sleeping. So yar, the sleeping guy is also fortunate to get a nice buddy. Poor me, alone in my department. No one to share the work load with. No one to gossip about my boss.

Woah... this entry is really getting very long. Haha. its 10.19 already. Spend about 1/2 hr typing this entry. Time to go toilet again. Lol... Later come back if got time then I continue typing.

I'm back. Haha. I think I hold the record of going to the toilet for the most number of times in the office. LOL. I keep leaving my seat to go toilet. Other than that I also go to the pantry for water. So I kind of keep leaving my seat. Luckily I am seated at a corner and the toilet is pretty much accessible to me. I do not have to walk past any one else to get to it.

Almost 10.30 now. Lol... and this entry is still growing longer by the minute. It really shows how bored I am at work. Not that I hate it, given the kind of boss that I have. But its still quite sian. Okay, shall not complain about having no work to do. Otherwise work might just fall right from the sky and stress me again. Hope I can really get past this morning doing nothing at all. :D A good way to start a week.

Okay... I have run out of things to say. Guess that will be the end of this entry. Gonna move on to do something else to kill time.

6 Jul.

Things really went crazy after my last entry. Lots of things happened. Lots of screw ups. Almost quit the job. But now... all is peaceful again. Awaiting another bubble to burst. Another 1 month to go. Please let the bubble burst only after I leave. Its tuesday now. Counting down to the end of my internship. The other 2 interns are ending next friday. I am so envious of them. Finally can get out of this shit hole. I guess they don't hate the internship as much as I do, since they only did some basic stuffs. They are so insignificant that nobody cares about them. They are free to do whatever they want. And they are paid the same pay as me. How can the world be so unfair? You may argue that its the experience that counts. I have gone through and learnt so much more than them. But it is not enough to justify my sufferning. If given a choice, I would rather have their job.

So yar... 1 more month to go. I'm just looking forward to the other intern's last day of work. When that comes, it also means that I have only 3 weeks left. 3 weeks left to my freedom.

7 Jul.

Okay... I'm receiving less work from my boss. Don't know the reason. But I'm hoping that he realise he shouldn't push me too hard rather than me actually having work to do but I don't know. Hope it stays like this for the rest of the internship then I happy already. I think I have seen quite enough work for this already.

Stomach feeling very bloated now. Must be all the sitting down after lunch. I seriously need to exercise. 2 weeks of reservist didn't manage to slim me down.

Reservist is not too bad. Although the planning kind of sux. Lots of 'snow balling' with our 'not that he is incompetent' OC. But heck, its the frens that you have that makes reservist fun. It is almost like we have never left before. Still the same group of people. Doing the same old stuffs. lots of complaining, little work done. The typical army lifestyle. No responsibility, no worries. How nice if that could be work life.

Perhaps it can be. 2 ways to do it. Either you be a boss in singapore, or go some less developed country to live. Its not easy to start a business, neither it is to give up all the comfort of living in a developed country. But working in singapore is not a very good option either.

Hohoho.... 4.30 already. 1 more hour to go and wednesday will be over!!! Then its only 2 more days till the end of this week. Hopefully nothing big happens. I think my boss is busy with other stuffs to even be bothered about me. Then he starts to give the other intern more work. So yar... hopefully things continues this way for the rest of the internship.

Saw a pair of glasses by porsche design. Quite nice leh. Black half frame and red at the side. Looks cool. But somehow the frame don't look that nice on my face.

Haiz... duno whether to get the specs or to use the money to get a new phone. Although the phone would be much more expensive than the specs. Haha...

Still considering whether I should spend that extra money to get the data plan or not. My current phone won't be able to fully utilise the data plan due to limited functions. However, getting another phone that runs andriod OS is gonna be more expensive. but I really want to have the web at the palm of my hand leh....

I don't understand why I need to live in constant fear of my boss. I listen and react to every movement he makes. Every creak of his chair would alert me. Why? This kind of life is unbearable. I am starting to wonder if my decision to stay on is the correct one. How am I going to survive till the end of the internship? Luck will run out one day and shit will start to happen again. I had imagined that if I had not come back, perhaps I would feel happier. Yes, I'll get bored very soon. But, boredom is surely better than fear isn't it? I can just find things to do, or perhaps indulge into the dark side for a while. It still beats coming to work under such conditions.

Argh... another slightly more than 30 mins to go. Boss still seems to be occupied with his own work to bother about me. Guess today will pass just like this. Still deciding where to have dinner later. Need to drop off some books at the library.

9 Jul.

After a fury events that happened just now. I decided that I should relax till lunch. Its 11.10am now. Haha. Okay lar, not so exaggerated. But my mind is not in the mood to do any work now. Its friday again! Haha... successfully survived the first week coming back to work. 4 more weeks to go!

12 Jul.

Personal life has been a daze for the past weeks. I've been venturing into the dark side and it starts to cloud many things. I think its about time to stop now. This time round, however, wasn't like the previous few times. I had a aim, a target that I am looking for. This time round, I know what I wanted...

So for the past 2 or more weeks... I've been searching for the thing that I'm looking for. Many options appeared. There is one that I really like. But, it is not ready yet. I thought it would be, I thought given some effort it would be. I really wanted it... but in the end. It just wasn't ready. Its like some sub atomic particle, uncertain, confused, unstable. There goes the happy ending. It was almost the perfect thing that I am looking for, except for its unstable properties. I really hope it would stablize one day and I could hold it again in my hands. For now... as much as I hate it.... I have to let it go... I wish for it to one day be able to stablise and harmonize with itself. To realise that there is nothing wrong, if it is done in a proper way. It is almost a risk free thing and it yields satisfying results. Where on earth can you find such a risk free asset with high yield?

After many years in this field. I have come to realise what I am really looking for. I am tired of the many bad habits in this field. Those are highly volatile assets that can really turn into huge liability if handled wrongly. SO I really just want to find a safe, blue chip that I can own, perhaps for the rest of my life. But its not that easy. Unlike stock markets where blue chips company are clearly marked. In this field, they aren't and they are rare. So I am really having a hard time discovering them.

But nonetheless, after weeks of venturing into the dark side. I found some potential ones.So I guess its time to stop going into the dark side as I might just lose control one day...

Hopefully these potential items would be useful.

15 Jul

OMG... the time bomb that I have been working on and building up for the past 2 months is gonna blow up very very soon. =X The next few days will be critical as they are going to action on what I have done for the past 2 months. This is not a good thing cos what I have done the past 2 months is just building up this huge bomb. The bomb should have been diffused when at first I said I wanted to quit. But, my boss let me stayed on and continue bomb building! haha... Praying hard that somehow the blast would be contained. =X Otherwise I would really be fried. Yikes... Okay... actually this is not entirely my fault. Well you can say that 60% is, but the other 40% is because of my boss. So, in this sense, my boss actually contributed 40% to this bomb. Haha... How can you let someone so inexperience handle such a shit without any good guidance. He even dare to go for a holiday in the middle of it. So of course the bomb grew out of proportion while he is away.

Haiz... I seems to be leaving bombs around when I work. Haha... It was like that in my previous job also. But somehow, it didn't really cause too big an explosion I think, considering that I didnt feel any tremor after I left. Haha...
This time round it I made another bomb again. I think the more responsibility I have, the bigger bomb I make. Haha... this bomb is really huge compared to the one in my previous employment. I wonder how I am going to work next time. I won't have a chance to escape when it is a perm job. Unless I keep changing jobs lar. Haha...

21 Jul.

Its a wednesday. My boss just came to work not too long ago. A mini time bomb is just waiting to explode. One of our forwarder has not given us the data we wanted. And my boss has been asking for it for the past few days. Damn sian to be stuck in the middle. It is obviously not my fault that the forwarder have not sent the information. But first person my boss will open fire at is me. Ok lar. not as if he will scold me. But I dun like the way he talks to me.

Haiz... only about 1 more week to go. Today is wednesday. Tomorrow will be thursday and friday will be the end of this week. Next monday, things will start to be a bit different as friday will be my unofficial last day when my boss goes for his reservist in the last week of my internship. So yar. Just a few more days to go till the end of the nightmare. Ok lar, when this entire shit is over, I'll look back and be glad that I had such a experience. Although it is not exactly a good experience, but nevertheless it is still an experience. But until then... which is less than 2 weeks later. I'll still curse and swear when I'm on this job.

I wonder if this is a case of 'one is not supposed to wish for something that is not yours' I think I might have mentioned before, I only got this job after praying for it. Well... perhaps I should learn that I shouldn't ask for things that are not supposed to be mine. I should have applied for another internship. But anyway... now that I come to think of it. I didn't specifically asked for this job did I? I don't think so. I did ask for an internship, but I didn't specify which one. So yar... actually this may not really apply. Haha... Oh well... I'll just leave it here in the entry. It's still a thought that I have.

Argh... Feeling like shit now. Bomb are just exploding out of nowhere. I can't understand how would anyone be able to take work like this. Living under the fear of your boss. Be on alert the whole time. Respond almost immediately when he calls out your name.

22 Jul

Damn sian... its only 3pm now... still got like 2.5 hours to go... Can't take it anymore. Its thursday already. The count down has already began. Haha... my boss realises that I do not have much time left. But then... shit will still continue until next week. At least till wednesday.

Argh... duno how am I gonna kill time for the rest of the day. Not in the mood to do any work now. Actually. I haven't been in the mood to do anything for the past few days. haha... Perhaps its because I know that I will be leaving soon.

26 Jul

Haiz... its already the last unofficial week I'm at the company already. Yet my boss is still throwing shit at me. Don't know what is wrong with him. The month of july hasn't ended yet he is already demanding the jul report from his forwarders. Then the poor me have to get stucked in the middle. My boss needs the report, but the forwarders cannot provide me with it. Well... technically it is not my fault, but I just don't like the way things are. I don't like the way he does things as well. Rushing people for no good reason. It is not as if he is the biggest or the only customers that our forwarders have. They also have other work to do. Who are you to expect their staffs to work at your beck and call?

4 more days to go. 2 is a half day. So actually its only 3 more days. Just have to bear with this shit.

Argh... somemore I'm not in the mood to take all this shit now. Slept ard 12pm last night. Went to play lan. Haha... then half way through my sleep I was woken up by the rain. So I didn't get the rest I needed. Juz now went toilet to try to sleep. Haha... guess I was really desperate. Couldn't take it anymore. I thought I only took awhile, but then realise that it was actually 15 minutes already. So I went back to work.

2 Aug

Something happened that made me gave up any hopes for a good farewell to my boss. What kind of boss will go and calculate every single day of your internship? To ask you to pay back that day. That was the case with the reservist. Fine, it was a 2 week absence which I can understand. But, last friday was the ultimate. I took a urgent leave for a good reason, and now he intends to pursue this matter by asking me to extend or take a pay cut. What kind of boss would do such a thing?

At first I thought maybe I still can have a good ending after all these shit that I have to go through under him. Still planning to meet him for lunch for a proper goodbye. But now I guess, forget it. I have enough of his nonsense.

This shit should have ended that time before my reservist. I have given myself, and also him a second chance. But now it seems like the fault isn't mine. He is just a f**k up A**hole.

Argh.... Just have to get pass this week. Hope he never calls again. I will try to not pick up the calls.

4 Aug.

Wednesday. Final countdown of the last 3 days of my work. Feeling the peace after the storm now. Almost 4 months of suffering is coming to an end. Almost cleared my work now. Did what I could. Boss is not around to pick trouble. So thats the end. WHen he comes back, I'll be gone. No more worries. Well. Didn't managed to build any network in this company. Somehow the environment is just not condusive for such things. Especially in my department. People just do their own stuffs and seldom interact. Hopefully I'll end up in a better internship next time.

Nowadays I've been coming into office late. Around 9.30. I don't have to wake up at 6.15 anymore. I can sleep till almost 7 and then catch the 8am train. Good that I can come in later. Since I don't have much to do. When I come in at 9.30. Lunch time is only about 2 hours away. 2 hours is just about the right length for me to do my stuffs and not get bored.

Haiz... its not that I wan to be like this. So slack. If this is a company and position that is worth my effort. Then I do not mind working hard. But after all these months I see how my boss treats me. I totally give up on doing my best for this company. This company is a sinking ship. The internal process are all screwed up. We are just fighting fires everyday without addressing the root of the problem. If this is my perm job, then okay. I'll need to initiate some changes. However, I am only here on an internship. There is no point for me to suggest any changes. So yar... I'm just here to do my job and then go off.

Oh well... just my luck to have such a boss.

Haiz... feeling the dread of work again. Although there are few things to look forward to this coming week. Hope it makes time pass easier. We'll welcome our 4th intern on tuesday. Joining my department but doing other job functions. Coming from SMU as well. Kind of have this urge to go oasis to find his face. But aiya, lazy to do so, not a girl anyway. Haha... so yar. Just wait till he comes. Don't think I'll know him or see him anywhere in school before cos he's a year 4.

Then we'll have our department lunch on thursday to welcome me and the other intern. Although its not as much a welcome for me since I have been working there for more than a month already. But anyway, still a good chance to have extended lunch time and eat good food :)

Then friday I'm going back for my glass bead class :D Had stopped for almost 2 months as my instructor went to japan for an exhibition. He's having one in Singapore as well. Think I'll go take a look and support him.

There is still another event happening this coming week. Not much details yet. But its something that I have been looking forward to for a long long time. Really hope it'll turn out great :D

So yar.. quite happening this week. Other than the week itself. There are few more events that I'm looking forward to. I just can't wait to get out of this hell hole. Haha... Okay lar, not so bad. But I really do not like this job. Or perhaps its just my boss. Although he's quite okay. But I am still quite afraid of him. Last week got a little 'scolding' from him. So yar... its damn stressful. I am being put in an environment that I am totally unfamiliar with. There is no one to guide me along. How can he expect so much from me? My boss would just throw me something to do without explaining much. He expects me to just go out and ask every one else except him on how to do the stuffs. But that just goes against the very nature of myself. As much as I am willing to venture out of my comfort zone. I still need time to adapt to it. So I really hate the way he just throws work at me and expect me to find my own way. I know perhaps this is how things works when I go out to work next time. When you are no longer a intern, people expect you to know your way around and do your work. Well, I accept it. But just can't help to feel like shit about it.

Anyway... as I was saying, there are 2 other events that I am looking forward to.

My boss is going overseas the week after next :D So that means that I will only get to see him for 2 days of the week :D Then 1 week later after he goes on holiday. I will go for my reservist :D LOL. A whooping 2 weeks that I don't have to face him !!! Haha... But then when I come back I still got another 5 weeks to go... Haiz... Hopefully there will be more events happening along the way. Otherwise I can't imagine how I can survive the last 5 weeks. My other 2 interns will leave earlier than me. Then I'm left with the new intern. Hopefully we get along well with each other. Haha.. Oh well... he's doing a 6 months internship there. Haha... good luck to him. This isn't a company that you would want to work long for. :P

Will gossip about the company another time. Think thats all for tonight :D Bye~

Had a wonderful b'day celebration with my friends yesterday. Am very grateful to have met this bunch of friends. Cherish the friendship alot. Really want to thank them again.

Feeling the dread of work.... it feels as though its the eve of booking in again. Same dread, same looking forward to the end of the week, same counting down till everything is over.

I wonder what could cause this dread. The impending shit falling tomorrow? The fear of screwing up? I am starting to hate this job. It is just not me to do this job. It is against even the basic fundamental nature of myself. I have a kind, peace loving nature, however this job requires me to be fierce. Well, if there is reasonable grounds for me to do it, then I don't mind. However, somethings it is my company's own fault and then I am asked to go and fault or bother other people about it. This is the part that I hate most. I am being stuck in the middle of my company and the other. I actually sympathize with the other company that I am supposed to find fault with.

I am thankful that I got the 3 months internship rather than the 6 months one. Otherwise I don't know how I am going to survive it. Luckily I didn't manage to defer my reservist. So that means that I have a 2 week break in the middle. and when I come back. Its only 2-3 weeks more to go. So yar... I'm really looking forward to my reservist now. I really need to get out of this job.

Work BLog

27 Apr

Argh... Damn sian... Second day of work. Hate the steep learning curve. Luckily my cubicle still okay. Haha. Wun get much attention. So I could do my stuffs without too much people peering through. The cubicle walls are very high. So when seated down, I cannot see anyone else in the office. Its a nice privacy that I have. Bad thing is that I cannot connect to facebook at work. MSN quite sian. So I didnt download too. Maybe I should. My boss comes to work at 2pm on certain days. Which is kind of good haha... so I am free for the morning. He seems to be quite strict, am quite afraid of him. Hopefully things will get better as time goes by. If my memory didn't fail, my first week at my previous job also didn't go down quite well. SO yar, hopefully things will really turn out better cos still got more than 3 months to go. Damn sian... they really want to make full use of the intern. I wan to go for my reservist also cannot. Still need to apply for deferment. I don't want to, but they say either I defer or extend my stay. What kind of logic is that? How would extending my stay help? Anyway, still got 1 month before the new intern comes. I hope the new intern would be nice. THen at least we can talk.

I hate my work. Damn sian. Its almost the same as my previous management accounting work where I need to juggle between so many excel documents and reports. I hate this kind of work. I think after this internship I'm gonna try a marketing one. Really cannot take it doing these kind of things for the rest of my life. So I think I've decided what to declare for my second major. haha. It'll be marketing :) Argh... sux... don't know how to settle my lunch today. Boss coming later. Then I have to eat on my own, unless got other people jio me for lunch :( Sux. I hate new environments!!!! Haiz... well, have to get past this first week lar. 3 months to go... SIAN AR!!! OKay... I just installed MSN, but dun have anyone to talk to.

I don't know how I survived my previous job.I even had to teach tuition after work. I no longer have such determination to do it. If I could, I would want to quit now. Go home, have a good sleep. I really feel like giving up. But I can't. I need to perservere on. I need to change my working attitude. I shouldn't be afraid to show that I don't know a single shit about operations. They should have known when they hired me. I am only a year 2 that have taken just 2 modules on operations? Actually I think even if I finish all my modules on OM, it doesn't prepare me for the job. I am thankful that I managed to get a job on OM. To get a feel of what it is like to work in such an environment. The conclusion? It sux. Haha... well at least for now.

28Apr

3rd Day of work. Things are slowly falling into place. Feel more comfortable working with the colleagues. Took a shuttle bus out to east point to have lunch today. It seems to be a long long time since I have contact with the other categories or class of people. For the past 2 days. All I see the whole day is the working class. The business park working environment is really bad. Everything is just too well planned. Buildings, roads, food court. All of them exist just for one purpose. To fulfil the basic needs for workers. Workers only. So its like you are put in a artificially crafted business environment and everyday you turn the wheel to move the business. There is no life in this place. Just work. I remember what my fren who took a architectual module told me. When architect design a facility, it tries to incorporate life into it. A facility on its own does not have a life. Its the people that uses the facility that gives it it's life. In a business park. All the people that uses it are workers. And the life that the facility portray is just work. And work is no life. So the whole place here is dead! Haha... I know I'm gonna fail my AS with this kind of argument. But heck. What I want to say is that there is really no life here. So I'm very happy that I get to go out for lunch today. Seeing all the residents, students and everony else other than the working class. This is life. So yar. I would prefer to go out and eat whenever possible and not just stay in the business park.

Anyway, as I was saying, things are getting abit better. However, more responsibilities are coming in. So yar... but at least I have climbed quite far from the foot of the learning curve although there is still some distance to go. I guess thats all for today. Bye~ Can't wait for the weekends.

My boss is so busy that everytime he says he'll send me something. He forgets. And how can I expect myself to pester my boss? What an irony.

3 May 2010

2nd monday of work. Feeling alot more alert than previous week. Guess the weekends really helped me to recover from the initial shock. Anyway, its still a monday, so we'll see how the rest of the week goes. Just received an email that I'll be attached for 1 day to a freight forwarding company to observe how they work. I guess my boss is really trying to teach me things. I am grateful for that. I begin to see the point that my boss is coming from. He take this internship more of as an opportunity for me to learn rather than to help him do work. He tries to allocate different task for me to do so as to expose me to the various functions of the work. Rather than just to let me do the same work repeatly. While I am grateful of the opportunity to learn, it also places a lot of stress on me as for every new task, I need to learn the things again. I have no chance of learning one and then just repeat it over and over again. So thats the worst part. Hopefully I can finish learning the stuffs in these few weeks and let life become mundane and routine again :)

Anyway, as I was saying, I started this week off on a good note. Feeling somehow more alert. Therefore, I tried to speak up more to the other colleagues. Well, more of lunch partners. Which is even more important if I don't want to eat alone in future. I don't want to spoil the mood at lunch by keep quiet. So yar, here goes the 2nd monday of the week. Just received my intern pay for last month. They forgot that I actually asked for 800. So I only get 700 in the end. Oh well, nothing much I can do now. When you are the one begging, you don't have a choice. Hopefully next year things will be different. I will be the one choosing the job and asking for higher pay. Whether I'll get a marketing job or come back to logistics will have to depend on how I feel at the end of this job. I do enjoy the environment of this job. Sitting in the back office, less formal attire. It could have been a great place if I am here permanently. I got so much desk space that I can stuff with my belongings. Right now, the people don't really interact much with each others. Only among their small clique of friends. If I am around, things might be different. Last time in my previous company, colleagues will buy snacks and distribute to everyone around mid afternoon. But I don't see the kind of culture here. Perhaps due to its location its hard to do so. Or maybe no one just bothers. But I do care, so this is one of the target I have during this internship. I want to start this thing of sharing food. This is one of the small ways that I can give back to the company.

I guess thats all for now. I am trying not to stress myself too hard so that I still have energy for the rest of the week. GOnna sleep early tonight too.

2.5 more hours to knock off :D Haha
Today pass much faster than last week. Gotta keep the energy level up :)

7th May
Its 5.53pm now, friday. Few more minutes before I go off. I've finished the urgent stuffs already. So I'm ready to go. But my boss is still around. Although the office is quite empty already. There is still 6 more minutes to go before 6pm. Although by right I can go off at 5.30. But, my boss is still here and its not even six. So yar, better to just wait awhile more. The week past quite okay. Wasn't as tired as last week. At least I still have energy now, as opposed to last week where I almost nearly died. Things are picking up momentum already. As what I had wished in the first week. Life becomes slightly easier, and it'll be this was in days to come. The morning trips are more bearable now once you get used to it. I'll watch half of a drama in the morning and finish the rest at night. The drama will cover half the journey, then my eyes will need to rest for the rest.

2 weeks into the job. 10+ more weeks to go. Things will move faster along with the momentum. :) I still miss school.

10 May.

The third monday at this job. Things are getting along okay. Work seems more mundance now. Just tio arrow to do up this huge report. It's just about grabbing numbers from everywhere and pieceing them together. CUrrently my access to all the information has not been granted yet, so I'm kind of free now.

Although the learning curve is not as steep anymore, there is still some upward climb to be done. I've also start to realise the nature of this job. Looking at how my boss work and how I work. I don't really feel like working like this in future. I wonder if it is the company that makes me feel so sad. The culture in this company is bad. Really bad. People do not communicate to each other. There is no interaction between each colleagues. I guess partly due to the freaking high cubicle walls. It essentially blocks off face to face interaction with your colleagues. You only have someone on your left or right to talk to. And they still position themselves at a corner so that they won't see each other even at the corner of their eye. I guess this may be the reason that I don't really like this job.

At first I thought the logistics department would be where I belong. In the back office, where the rules are lax, and people have fun together laughing at the top. Well, its true that the rules are lax. We can tell from their attire. Nobody really dresses up in proper business attire. You can see people in jeans around the office. But the people are not having fun together. Thats what that matters.

Oh well, no matter what I'll need to survive this 3 months. I'll try to find out more about the job from my boss. Find out why he stayed in this job, in this company. I've not been to much companies, but I feel that this company is very disorganised internally. Perhaps this is due to the fact that this is not the main head quarters.

Oh, one good thing that I realise from taking on this work is also to watch our for companies that have head quarters in europe and us which are at almost opposite end of our time zone. As they are the high and mighty head quaters full of ang mohs. They wouldn't want to accomodate to our time zone. So often I have colleagues that stay through the night just to have video conference with their heads in the other part of the world. So yar, thats one thing that
I'll need to watch out for.

I guess that'll be all for today. Bye!

14 May

Yay. Its friday again :D Survived my third week in this company. Damn tired now. Slept late yesterday.

Feeling rather lethargic in recent months. No matter how much i sleep. There is this heavy weight on my mind. It is depressing all my feelings and emotions. I couldn't smile and laugh freely. And my daily life has been affected by this. This is especially prominent in the past week at work. During the first week of work, you need lots of energy to overcome the inertia and get the momentum going. You need to start getting the relationships with you colleagues up. Then u need to expand it to your business contacts. All these takes huge amount of effort to get it started and then the momentum will handle the rest by itself. So yar. I kind of wasted the first week at work cos i haven't been very receptive to the hospitality that my colleagues offered. As the first week was kind of a big change to my lifestyle for the past few years. I forgive myself of that. But starting next week. I've got to put in more effort in work.

Haiz... Damn sian now.  Went for my internship interview this morning. Didn't go as well as i thought i could have done. Am very worried now. The interviewer shows both positive and negative signs. So i dun realy know how they feel. I really wanted this internship. Especially after they told me what i'll be doing. The reason why this internship is 6 months is because I'll be learning almost all the operations function in the company. From freight to distribution. So it'll be a very very good exposure to what i will be or hope to do in future. I'll be a first hand experience even before i graduate. So despite all the negative side of this job like the 1hr 45mins travelling time and the 6 months period, i am still willing to endure to experience the job. So i really pray very hard that i'll get the job. I've been lucky all my life. Not in terms of winning lottery or lucky draws. But my life has always been smooth sailing. I almost always get what i want if i really put effort into it. I also meet good people who appreciate who i am. So this time round i really hope that luck will be on my side once more. Argh... Please please let me get my internship!!!!   

Happy 2010! Its the time of the year to look back and review what had happened and to make plans and resolutions for the next year. There are a few entries that are long overdue and not posted. But we'll just leave it till another time. On this special day, we'll do our usual new year entry! This would be the 6th new year entry already! Its amazing how long I have kept this blog running. Although entries are lesser and less often than before, and I guess the readership is also on the decline too, I'll still try to keep this blog going :D So lets start with reviewing the year 2009!

2009 is awesome year! I really mean it when I say that. Its the year where the seeds that I sowed in the previous year are starting to germinate and grow. Many things have happened for the first time and it was a wonderful experience. I am very happy for myself to have realised what was missing in the past. Although it was a bit late but I am still glad that I could still catch up with what I have lost. And 2009 really showed the results. I am really glad that a few years back I have taken the first step to step out of my comfort zone and really experience the world. And I think one of the most important decision that I have made was to apply to SMU.

It is not about the academic knowledge that I gain, but about the opportunities that it provides. This may not seem much for normal people, but for introverts like me, I guess it really does mean alot. I know it seems embarrassing to share this here, I just want to share what I really feel. If there is one important thing that I have learned, I guess it would be to really accept my introvert personality and work around it. This is a small lesson in my MPW class, but it matters alot to me. I was taught that personalities do not change much over the years, so it means that I'll most probably stay a introvert for the rest of my life. But being an introvert doesn't mean it is bad. I just need to accept it and work around it. In the past, I used to think that I am just weird and anti social, so I get very awkward situations and I blame myself for that. But now, I accept that I am just like that and will try to find ways to minimise these kind of situation.

Another thing that really made a difference but is really really embarrassing to say it out here. But heck. Haha... I just want to say. I learn to be more comfortable when hanging out with girls. LOL... cos for the past few years I have only hang out with guys and I used to feel very awkward when I talk or hang out with girls. Its like during my secondary school, I usually hang out with the guys, then after that JC too and its followed by army. So for around like 6 years all the outings and gathering or hanging out after class is all guys! Haha. But now, I hang out with this bunch of girls. They really taught me alot of things :)

Haha... so who is this bunch of girls? They are my LTB group! Haha. I am really really thankful that we were put into a group. I can't imagine my SMU life without them. They are the ones that really make my school life fun.

I have also learned that friendship really takes effort to maintain. In the past I take a more passive role, but I have learned that to really achieve what I want, I need to be more proactive to maintain contact.

Hmm... K lar, enough for all these embarassing stuffs. Makes people think that I'm such a loner in the past. Haha....

So for the new year ahead. I hope to continue what I have done in the past. I would also want to try out new experiences. I want to continue to improve myself. Most importantly I want to do the things that really truly makes me happy!

Well I have already taken a step forward. I signed up for a art glass class which will start next week :D So excited. Will update again.

With that, I bid farewell to the year of 2009 and I wish that 2010 would be a even greater experience :D

My mind is damn saturated now. I spent the whole day memorising my bp notes and now i cannot do anymore work. I tried to do ms but it was just too much thinking for my brain to work properly now. The thing that i hate about exams is that it forces you to memorise things. I suck at memory work so very often have to struggle for exams. I do have ways to force information in to my mind, but i don't like to use it. Its a very terrible and long process. It's not like last time when during O or A lvls where u just need to go all out for it. This time round it's just an exam and i see no point in putting myself through the pain. It leads me to wonder again whether i have made the wrong choice of studying in a business school. It is still a long road ahead for me and there are still many more exams that requires memory work. How am i going to cope for the next few years?

Anyway. I came across another inspiring person online again. This person is also very much similar to myself. He is interesting because he loves film making but then somehow he enrolled into a business school too. Yes, its smu! He is the pioneering batch of smu student. It is very inspiring to read that although in a business school, he has never given up on his passion. He continued making films for many of his projects. After a while he created a good portfolio and had even set up his own film making company.

This made me realisr that many things are possible and it depends on whether you want to do it or not. Although not going to a film making school means you lose out on alot of techinical knowledge but if you really have the passion for the things that you do. It does not matter, you will still find your means of getting hold of this knowledge. In fact, if he had just gone to a film makig school, he might have missed out a lot of things that a business school has to offer. Like for myself, although i am not in a design school. But i continue to observe and read up on the latest happenings in the world of design. But if i went to a design school, i might never get the chance to learn about business as wihout the interest i wouldn't be reading up on it on my own.  

Haiz. Really regretted slacking this semester. Am suffering the consequences now. Don't know why i became so slack. I almost always not pay attention to lesson and not revising my work till the last minute. Its a good wake up call for me and i hope to put in more effort next sem. 

Damn sian. Duno whether i should be studying now. Not in the mood to study. But dun study also nothing to do. 2 more days before the exams. Not very little time but also not long either. Still got a lot left for Ma. Although eventually i got the answer. But the time taken is way too long. I take a whole day to finish one 3 hr paper. I wonder if i can cope during the exams. Quite worried, but nothing much i can do now. Its too late already. Can only try to practice a few more questions and hope for the best.

Damn sian... Feel like going out for awhile.