Saturday night :) A rather nice week had passed. My first week as a combat medic trainee.

That monday morning... I woke up.... Very sian... after 2 weeks of waking up late.... It feels terrible.... Anyway.... washed up and made my way to nee soon camp. I'll be spending the next 9 weeks there...

K lar... I duno how to prganise them into proper paragraphs, so I'll just list the points lar.

The food at the cookhouse there is better then tekong. The place also quite empty.... Queue is short, and there's no lack of seats.

Its a challenge not to fall asleep during lectures. The seat is cushioned and comfortable. The audi is air conditioned. The lecture content dosen't appeal to me.... and the lecturer is boring.... All these composed the most persuading lullaby.... Haha....

PHysical training is almost non existence. Except for the 5B-EX in the morning and some tekan session. The tekan session is only on some days where we are really very slack... so the instructor let us do some 20-40 push-ups to warm up our bodies.... The most xiong thing is during stand by area before book out. Even that is also slack because at most we just do 20 push up, 20 crunches and 20 jumping jacks... That is nothing compared to the 160 push ups at one short during a standby area at Ulysses...

Lessons are fun... but at a super fast pace. Its like attending a bio crash course for me. In such a short time, I'm supposed to familiarise myself with the anatomy of the body. Then there are also a lot of memory work which I suck at.

Some interesting things...

-You are not allowed to sleep during office hours on the bed... but you can sleep on the floor.
-There is no stand by area... only stand by bed.
-And standby bed. only 1 set of no.4 and 1 set of admin tee to be displayed. All other clothes including underwear keep in duffel bag or personal shelf.
-Toothpaste must be at least 3/4 full :S

Anyway... I think I'm fortunate enough to land myself in such a place lar. Army life really dosen't suit me... So yar... I just hope that after 9 weeks I'll get posted to somewhere as nice, then I'll just finish my 2 years and carry on with my civilian life.

K lar... nothing much already. Bye~

woho~ I'm back :D Haha... one week has passed....

Combat medic training is slack... very slack... but I'll talk about this later....

I just wanna share something that got me very excited! Haha... John just msged my on MSN... lol... he went back to CSS and guess what he saw... he saw a poster of the top student from YJ and I was on it! LOL... Yj really went to send the poster back to my secondary school.. lol... Hmm.... I wonder if any teacher will recognise me... haha... I very low profile then...

:D Oh well... nothing much lar... am just glad that I've got some achievement :)

K lar... I'll blog about my slack life there the next time :) Bye~

Arlow.... nv expect myself to write an entry so soon after what I said during my last entry... haha... but... well.. just wanna share something :)

Got my posting today liao... Combat medic... Haiz... like quite xiong leh... still have to continue to chiong sua. Somemore have to do the medic stuffs... Actually... I quite scared of blood one leh... den I think we still have to learn injection... and how to we learn it? Poke yourself and your buddy lor, then let your buddy poke you too... So scary sia...

but haiz... okay lar.. at least I get to learn something useful. Something that can be applied in future. But I think also not much chance lar... unless really see some accident where doctors and paramedics are inaccessible. Even then I think I might have forgotten almost everything.. haha...

But okay lar... I shouldn't complain too much... afterall there are some people who are worst off then me... some tio rifleman... some combat engineers....

Still there are some who got quite a slack one... Some got RP.... haha... so in 2 yrs time we will see them grow fat.... :P Some leh... got to SAF band.... this guy is quite pro sia.... Then one got to lifeguard.... another super slack job.... And finally duno why this guy pes A/B but end up in service sector! Become transport supervisor....

Actually now to think of it... like quite a number of people get slack jobs hor? WHY AM I NOT ONE OF THEM!!!! LOL.... Oh well... As the usual army saying goes... suck thumb.... so yar.... just have to do it for 2 years :)

But now hor... after a week being civilian.... My mode switch to civilian mode liao leh... monday have to go back to camp so sian!!! Have to go back to army life... I DUN WAN!!! :'( ..... sian ar!!!! I really wish for 2 years to be over soon and I get back to my normal civilian life.... No matter wad... army life sux compared to civilian life....

okay lar.. change topic....

Watched the 7pm show on channel 8. Then there is this comment about how times have changed. " Nowadays children gather at playground is not to play with the facilities. But to gather around and play electronic games. "

I wonder how true is it as I haven't been around playground for a long time... But this comment just evoke some sentiments that yar... times really have changed. Not only around us... but we also have grown too.... Sometimes I feel so old... I was at a chalet with my platoon mates. Then I observed the things they do... and we arn't kids anymore. It seems that my surrounding has changed... but I still lack behind. I'm still the kid I am a few years back. I haven't changed much.... And I guess... its about time I make my change.....

Next year... I'll be 20.... Thats perhaps 1/4 of my life gone.... In the same blink of an eye.... 2/4.... 3/4.... and then I'll be waiting to leave this world...

This would be the end of a life cycle... Its pretty amazing when you think of us being developed from a single cell organism... went through so much... and then thats the end of our life cycle as a homo sapien....

Pardon me for being so "biological" today.... haha.... had been reading much.... Cos after POP was too bored so went to the library to pick up some books.... One of which is "frogs flies & dandelions" by Menno Schilthuizen.

This is a description about the book. "The origin of new species-speciation-is a central theme in evolution. How do species split? Why? How long does it take for a new species to be born? And what is a species anyway? Such is the mportance of the problem that Charles Darwin himself dubbed it 'the mystery of mysteries' "

Its quite an interesting book to read.... but that is if you are really interested in the evolution of things... cos its pretty long... and there are a lot of case studies... it can be very boring at times.... I also almost gave up on reading a few times...

There is another book which I borrowed titled " What scientists think" by Jeremy Stagroom
This book also has an chapter devoted to "Darwinism and Genes" yet another read about evolution....

SO yar... that explains it....

Anyway... I also got 2 book which I didn't have time to read.... ONe is "Holding on to reality" by Albert Borgmann

Its a pity I didn't have a chance to read it cos there are a lot of interesting things inside. This is the description "Holding on to Reality is a brillant history of information, from its inception in the natural worls to its role in the transformation of cultre to the current internet mania and its attendant assets and its liability. Drawing on the history of ideas, the details of information technology and the boundaries of the human condition, Borgmann illuminates the relationship between reality and information. "

In the book you will find geometry, trigonometry, architectual, gates( those NOT,AND NOR gates from physics) diagrams in it... I duno what is it for cos I haven't read the book... but I guess it would be pretty much interesting.

Another book is "World of risk" by Mark Haynes Daniell

"this book takes a fresh and critical look at the leading sources of global risk- terrorism, diseases, crime, poverty, environmental damage and others- and sets out a practical way to respond far better than we have to each risk area. ... Without a more informed set of strageties and better global leadership, the catastrophe of 9/11 will only be a forerunner of many more disasters in future. We can do much better. This important book shows us how"

Well... I haven't got a chance to see how important the book is... but I think it will be quite nice to read.

So yar... with that... I think its time for me to end this entry :) Bye~ And wish all my army friends good luck and all the best in their new vocation :)

Yo! really long long time never blog already.... Haven't been really busy... but just dun feel like blogging...

OKay... some major events has passed since the last time I blogged.... actually its only 1 lar... POP!!! Yay!!!! Haha.... GOODBYE TEKONG! It has been a long long journey.... 3 months in there.... Went through alot... all the tekan sessions that we had... but we still made it... :D

Well... okay lar... some points about my stay there lar...

1) Ulysses is a very shiong company... lol... dun think that u don't hear about us we are slack.... SO to future recruits dun be too happy that u ended up in Ulysses... haha...

2) :D I got a chance to taste the no.1 food in tekong! Haha... or at least in school 2... Haha... that is the roti jon with cheese! It is so good that it rumored caused a conflict between my OC and one of the sergeant because the sergeant bought a roti jon without cheese when the OC said he wanted cheese... lol...

okay lar... there nothing much liao... now waiting for my posting... haiz... duno where I will go to.... Hope its a slack one....

Hmm... I guess I won't be posting that often anymore... Perhaps only during some major events lar.... so yar... Until then... bye~

hello~ long time no blogged... been busy for the past few weeks. Time at home is short... so not in the mood to write... Actually I'm still not in the mood to write now lar... haha... feeling sleepy already. But soon... everything will be over :D Haha... 1 more week to POP! So yar... maybe then I'll write more ba... :)

So until then... see ya~

It has been 3 weeks since I last blogged... I wanted to blog last week, but due to time constrains, I didn't have the chance to do so. So now... with the long weekend, I can finally find time :)

Haiz... life have been hard for the past weeks. Before the field camp... we were already heavily tekan... field camp... haiz... its hell.... Its as if they must have a tekan session everyday.... Cos everyday for the 1-2 hours... we would be treated like shit... then after that... all was bright and merry. So.. it seems to be a requirement for us to get a few hours of tekan everyday... -.-
Another problem is the food. The combat rations is really distasteful. I only force myself to at least eat half the packet and I'll throw it away.... I can't totally dun eat it cos I need the energy.... haiz....

but anyway... I've survived it :D

After field camp was sit test... well... its nothing much lar... I didn't want to go command school... so I just go tru the motion lor... it was quite slack... the only thing is we have to eat the combat rations again...

After all these... I've lost alot of weight! lol... I'm so skinny!!! My hip bones and rib cages are alll starting to bulge out already!!! Then my bum is getting flatter... LOL... THe one place that didn't change much.... my tummy -.- Its still as bulgy and flabby as before... sian.... I only want my tummy to be flat lar.... all the other places I am happy with it liao.... haha.... but anyway... I wonder how long will it last :S haha... later a few months down the road I'll gain back all my weight and my tummy will grow even bigger :P

K lar... nothing much to blog about.... dun feel like working my mind now... oh... here's how I look after 2 months in tekong slimming center :P haha... 3 more weeks to POP!

:D Muahaha~ lol... Just came back today... feeling very sian because of some army stuffs which I will whine about later... then I saw 2 letters on my table... The first one I pick up was from SMU.... And on the front of the letter was printed Congratulations.. LOL... I quickly tore open the envelope and read the letter :D I've secured a place in SMU :D Yay! Haha... Then I saw the other letter was from NTU... and :D I got admitted there too :) Then I looked around... hmm... no NUS letter yet....

Anyway... I'm glad that I got into SMU... Haha... I was still worring about getting a place there because the competition this year is very intense. Its 8 people vying for only 1 place. And cos I had high fever on that day of the interview, I was worried that I didn't do as well... But then.... I still made it :D Haha... I pass the interview even though my body is burning with a temperature of 39.4 degree lol...

Hmm.... didn't expect the letter to come so fast. Cos I thought results will only come out in may... somemore I got 1 friend who was called for interview next week for the same course... but duno why I was admitted before he even got interviewed.... weird...

Life for the past week in camp is sucky... I've been deprived of a lot of sleep... haiz... we had range till 3am on thursday night. Then after everything is settled we slept at 4.... Then the next day we had to wake up at 7.... Then at night I kena guard duty... so friday night also can't get a good rest... Haiz....

But still there were some interesting thing lar... at range I was firing in the rain... lol... so fun... u are soaked and have to take aim with water dripping all over ur rifle... Then the rear sight aperture also always get bubbles then u have to blow to burst the bubble before u can take aim... Then when u fire the recoil makes the water splash around... haha... so fun...

Haiz... this will be my last bookout for some time.... next week cannot book out already... cos its field camp.... sian ar... I heard that ulysses field camp is one of the xiong-est.... Think I'm gonna die down there... 7 days of hell.... but haiz... no matter what I still have to go tru it... so yar... the faster its done the better.... after field camp I think life would be a little bit better liao... cos its almost back to ptp phase where we do all the physical training.....

K lar... so the next time I'll blog would be about 2 weeks time... or maybe 3 weeks cos I think I would be so tired after the field camp that I wun feel like blogging....

See ya~

haiz... so sian ar!!! Really hate army life.... The only thing that kept me going on is that I keep telling myself. No matter what happens, no matter how hard or how sian it is... time still passes by.... and soon it will all be over. Even if you get tekan... get punished.... time will not stop.... with every breath you take, it takes you seconds closer to the day everything ends. And this is how I pass everyday... clinging on to the thought that time will never pause.

This may be the last weekend that I can relax myself. After this.... everything will be very packed.... when I go back, I'll be having range for the week, then I book out for a short weekend then have to go back again... but that stay would be long cos it will be the confinement week before the field camp. So I wun be able to book out until 2 weeks later.... but that book out won't be enjoyable as well, cos once I go back. I'll have my sit test.... and its another 3 days of torture.... then.... haiz.... 1 month will pass just like that... and its just another month to go before my POP....

Haiz... oh well... I can't escape it... so.... just have to tell myself... time never stops. The 6th of june is my POP date. It will not change....

K lar... dun talk about army things liao...

Anyway... went for a little family gathering last week and saw my cousin. She told me that mdm lee know about my results :D HAha.... hmm... I think if I have a chance to go back to yj I'll go pay her a visit... haha... but duno when will it be... maybe 2 years later :S haha....

Nothing much liao.... very sian now... haiz... tonight is the last night I'll be sleeping at home before another week later.... I really miss sleeping at home... the kind of feeling is very different. When you wake up in the morning. The monent you open your eyes. You don't see the coldness of the bunk. You feel warm... you know this is your home, your room....

Haiz... I really hate army life...........

I'm really getting very sick of army life.... I feel like I'm just a walking flesh and bone.... a body without a soul.... a zombie....

The past week in there is horrible....

I hope it would be better this week...

thats all for now... bye... going back there in a few hours time...

another week has passed.... now just 10 more weeks left :D Yay! Life was still managable... did countless of push-ups.... nothing much happened this week... did the usual things.... time passed by easily this week.... perhaps cos its only like 4 days in camp.... compared to the initial 14 days of the confinement week....

As time passes by... people make friends... and some make enemies... People start to realise the true character of others.... There was few incident that really make me feel disgusted at the character of some people.... Its very obvious that the person is being very 'wayang' (likes to act very enthu in front of the commander) In front of the commanders they like act very helpful... sometime people slower abit they would help... but back in the bunk they dun even help their own section mates, their section mates have to come over to my section to seek help....

But luckily my section is still fine :) We don't have such people around. Although there is this 1 guy in my bunk that my whole section don't really like. But still, its considered a small problem compared to those people mentioned above. Its just that he's too reliant on others to help him do things and he gives up easily. Take for example... the tying of the rope to the tent pins. I showed him how to tie one already... then without even trying. He pushed all the rest to me and asked me to tie for him.... Another incident was the tying of shoe laces. He asked my friend to tie for him time after time and dosen't make an effort to learn.

Anyway... we still have 10 more weeks to go... so we shall see..... haha...

I haven't been really enjoying this bookout... cos I was down with fever... The peak temperature was 39.5 .... I booked out on friday morning... spent the afternoon sleeping... wake up for dinner and TV then go back to sleep again... the next morning went for interview... after that spent the whole afternoon sleeping again.... Then at night watched some TV and went back to sleep again... Then it sunday already... and I have to go back to tekong soon.... I'm feeling better now... the fever has subsided.... now I have a running nose and a cough....

Lets talk about the interview. I woke up the morning with my fever at the peak of 39.5 .... but still I went for the interview.... I felt like I was almost dying during the MRT ride.... There was one point of time when there is this sudden outburst of sweat.... My whole body suddenly started to sweat alot.... I was feeling very terrible then.... I almost felt like alighting and taking a cab home.... but then after a while... the sweat started to dry up and my fever went down. I felt cool... I guess its my body trying to emergency cooldown my body... After that all was well.. I was feeling more alert already. But then I'm still not in the top condition to go for an interview.

The interview was so so lar.... I dun think I did well... but also not bad either. The interview was a 8 interviewee to 2 professors discussion style. So... I realised that some people are really smoking their way tru... haha... they actually know nothing but act like they know :P There is this discussion about GM and Ford vs the other japanese car companies. Then this girl was like keep saying how good GM and Ford is, how is it uncomparable to the japanese companies... but the professor say that they are facing bankruptcy.... The girl was stunned... lol... Its hilarious to see the expression on her face... haha... then she started to talk cock again to weave another story to get herself out of the shit... lol....

Then there is this other one... The prof was like saying that in business u also need knowledge of some other things as well... Business is not a standalone thing... you could be doing business dealing with engineering stuffs, medical stuffs or many others... Then somehow it leads to the question of the choice of university. Then there is this girl that answered without thinking... yar she agree with the prof.... so she say NUS is a better choice as we get to mingle with students from other faculty.... Then I asked her a question.... Then why are we all here for the interview? Why don't we all go NUS? lol.... She was also stunned... and the prof also started laughing... haha... Some people really nv take time to think before they talk....

After that was essay writing... Wrote a crappy piece of essay.... The question given was... "Tell a friend about your favourite film" ..... After 4 months of not writing any essay.... and given such a question... Its already a great feat to be able to produce something... haha....

So yar.... lets just pray that I can make it ba.... :) Thats all for this week... see ya in another weeks time :) Bye~

Lalala... I'm back :D I'm back!! lol.... so happy... although its only gonna be a short 3.5 days.... but... enjoy it while I can... haha... cos after book in I think things will be a lot worst.... the past 2 weeks were so called adjustment period where no punishment is given... but when we book in.... it will be over.... and.... hell break lose.... lol.... Duno what to expect then.... can only rely on each other for support to endure through it..... So for now... let me enjoy my last few days before I plunge into the depths hell....

For now... lets recall what have I did for the past 2 weeks.... We went through alot... although its only 2 weeks.... 2 weeks in normal civilian life won't get as much things done as 2 weeks in army... There is real difference between the 2 kinds of life.... I'll leave that part till the end ba... so lets start with day 1 now :)

Day 1.... because of losing the registration pin for NUS.... I had to make a trip down to NUS at like 10 in the morning to get a replacement... So yar.... I took a cab there cos I duno the route and I dun want to waste time... So yar... waited for the cab... Once I got up the cab..... the uncle started talking to me.... Or perhaps... he started lecturing me... lol... cos he asked my why was I going there... so I told him that I lost my pin no.... Then he started lecturing me about keeping my things properly and all the stuffs.... Sian right? early in the morning already get scolded.... k lar... actually not scolded... but... the feeling wasn't nice lar... I was already worrying about getting the pin then somemore still have to listen to him.... But anyway.... I just smile smile.... and soon I reach NUS lar.... I got my pin and then took a bus back... cos I was still early and dun need to rush.... After that went to pasir ris to have lunch then went to board the bus to tekong lor.... Nothing much happened..... There was a cock up in the planning.... so my parents miss me taking the oath....

After that we were brought around lor.... tasted the food then my parents have to leave.... After they left... we were issued with the army stuffs.... Then I had to carry the stuffs all the way to my bunk at the 4th floor lor.... It was a tough way up.... I had my civilian bag on one shoulder... field pack on another.... one arm carrying the shoes... another dragging the duffel bag.... Its really like dragging myself all the way up....

After that went to cut hair... thats almost the end of the day le....

Hmm.... then for the subsequent days we had our trainings... and everything.... nothing much to talk about....

About the people there.... my bunk mates were nice :) actually I dun remember who I spoke to or who I get to know first.... Haha... cos that day my head was giddy after dragging all the things up so I can't recognise the faces.... But now.... only after 2 weeks... we seem to have know each other for a long time... we went through the things together and got to know each other very fast....

When I was there... I also saw many kinds of people.... I thought I was already vey bad... cos I dun play sports... always stay indoors and my skin is very far.... But I've seen worst people then me.... haha.... then got some people also very weak.... either they duno how to take care of themselves... or just chao keng.... my platoon the peak no. of people with medical status is 17.... so at one point of the time when we fall in... there is 5 rows of people ( the status people have to stand behind) instead of the usual 3 rows for fall in.... Then there is also this rj guy who brought a violin into camp... lol... but the sergeant ask him to bring it home and not bring it back during book in... haha..... Then I also met a long lost friend... haha.... he was my primary school friend... then we lost contact for 6 years.... then now we are in the same platoon... lol.... its a small world afterall....

Things are going on fine lar.... but I think my platoon is the most blur and most the slowest... so... I have to mentally prepare to suffer when we go back......

Life in there is really different.... for the past hours at home... its so peaceful.... and I kind of feel weird.... For the past 14 days... we were shouted around.... and have to follow a routine.... but now... everything is OTOT ( own time own target) ..... I can just sit down there..... stare into blank space without having to worry about the next order.... There is no one shouting..... no marching sounds.... no vulgarities from the commanders.... Its really very peaceful.... to the extent that I feel weird..... its like I suddenly lose my hearing.... everything is so quiet... the atmosphere is so relax....

But..... nonetheless.... 2 weeks has passed.... There is only 11 weeks left till my bmt is over... Time seems to pass by slow... but it also seems fast too....

What comes after bmt I do not know.... where will I go is also unknown.... Right now I'm only trying my best to pass ippt... perhaps to get into sispec... I'm not making it a target.... I won't go all out to get it..... but I'll just do my best.... if by that time I'm qualified... then its good... if not... I'll still carry on living my life....

Actually... nowadays u keep hearing people talking about target setting.... wad... u must have a target then u will be able to achieve great accomplishments.... but then I have a different idea.... There is actually no need for a target.... Just do your best in everything u do.... because a target may become a barrier for you too.... If you set your target too high... then u will feel demoralised.... if u set your target too low.... then u might slack and miss out other opportunities.... No one can set a target at equilibrium level.... and I really mean NO ONE..... So since we can't set a perfect target... then just don't set it at all.... When you are without a target... you will feel lost.... there is this fear in you.... and fear is a very powerful force.... With fear... you will put in your best to try to escape from this fear....

Using my case as an example... I do not have a target of which course I want to go to in the uni.... So because I don't have a target.... I have this fear inside me... I fear of not doing well enough to qualify for any course I want to take in future.... So how to overcome this fear? The only way is to put in all my effort to score as high as possible.... then I would be safeguarded.... then I will not have to worry about failing to reach the requirements for the course....

Fear is a very powerful negative force... It is much powerful than just wanting to reach a target.... It can drive people to do lots of crazy and extreme things... I believe that you can also quote some examples of such incidents.... But the trick is how to tap on the powerful stream of force and put it to good use....

So yar.... in conclusion.... my point is by removing a target... you will induce a sense of fear in yourself... and then you take this fear to help spur youself to the maximum....

This is only my point of view.... If you are interested you may want to try this method... I just want to share this with you people as I'm getting sick of target setting... During school time we had to set our target for our exams... now in army... we have to set our targets for IPPT....

I'm not saying that target setting does not work... but I just find that without a target... it works better.... You can think for yourself... is the motivation given by wanting something greater than the motivation given by Fearing something.... or is it the other way round....

I'm back.... yay :D lol... Got miss me or not :P Anyway... I'll be back later to blog... gonna get some rest now... bye :)

FUCK IT!!!! The university application is really spoiling my mood.... KNNBCCB.... From the use of vulgarity u will really know how irritated and fustrated I am.... those who know me would know that I dun use these words often...

This time round its really fuck up....

Haiz.... another thing is my enlistment date... That is fucking lousy.... Why half way in the middle of no where.... I can't even have sometime to consider for a course... and when I'm done with the consideration.. I have to report at the fuck up tekong..... no time for me to apply... chee bye sia....

Fuck it... I dun care already... I really have no mood to register now... I've only registered for SMU.... I think I have to compliment SMU for making an effort to make its registration form very user friendly. NUS has the duno what pin that I feaking lost it.... then NTU the form looks Freaking ugly and unfriendly.....

So yar... I'll wait till my book out then I go register for the rest... knnbccb....

I'm gonna sleep now... I dun want to affect my mood when I go tekong.... bye~

Eve of enlistment....

its a jungle(literary) out there.... hope I survive....

Anyway.... think I going smu already :P Haha.... hope that I didn't make a wrong choice of going into the financial sector. Have been wondering for the past days.... Will I be happier if I go into engineering....

But I came to a conclusion. I had enough of science and IT. For the past 12 years of my life... I've been studying science, doing IT. I think thats pretty enough... haha... it's starting to bore me.... Financial sector seems more fun :)

But then... if I go smu I will miss hostel life.... and its pretty far away from my place.... so its gonna be a bit troublesome.... But nvm.... hope that I'll still have a fun time in there :) anyone else going smu? haha...

K lar... thats all for now... wish me luck for NS :) Bye~

My blog look so man now... lol... A new skin marks a new phase in my life. The transition phase is over. I've gone past the transition phase from being a student to being a NS men now...

ARGH!!!!!! Tmr is the very last day I can enjoy myself!!!! Going to army on thursday afternoon.... Haiz.... SIBEH SIAN AR!!!!! ARGH!!!! Duno how life will be in there... lots of uncertainty.... But one thing is for sure... its arn't going to be easy....

Haiz... but whatever comes.... I just hope that I'll go tru it safetly... Safety is the top priority... I've mentally prepared myself to be ordered around.... treated like a piece of shit.... and hopefully can last till BMT I complete my BMT....

No matter what happens... I will do it! I'll always try to remember this saying....

"吃得苦中苦，方为人上人"

Only tru experiencing the bitterness that one can become greater.

sounds abit like trying to console myself... haha.... but... think this is part of the mental preparation ba....

Anyway... I'm looking forward to my bookout day.... if I'm not wrong should be on the 24th. Really duno what will happen in there... but.... I'm sure I'll be able to survive it :) I'm not as weak so some people think.... haha.... I dun have much qualities... but one of my best is my endurance level.... So yar.... :) See ya 2 weeks later :D

meanwhile... miss me yar~ :P

I cried today..... it was a very sad thing.... I do not wish to comment too much as the saying goes... Don't wash ur dirty linen in public. Its a family matter....

Anyway... forget about the sad thing. I'm feeling better now... something funny happened just now... I was at a supermarket to shop NS stuffs.... Then I reach the shampoo section... I spend like 15 minutes there, walking to and fro along the aisle.... wondering which shampoo to buy... cos the one that I use normally don't come in the smaller bottles... Then when I finally decided on what to buy.... Then I finally remembered.... What for??? I won't have any hair for me to shampoo... LOL.... I will be botak in there.... so wads the use for getting a shampoo? Haha... so stupid sia... wasted like 15 mins of my time.... -.-

K lar... still having a headache deciding on the course I want to take... Was thinking of taking the product design one... but.... its super troublesome to apply... I need to get ready a portfolio... a essay on why they should admit me -.- ... somemore a 3 mins video about me.... Super troublesome sia...

Anyway... my other choice would be to take on architecture, then apply for scholarship from URA ( urban redevelopment authority).... haha.... the scholarship look so alluring. Other than the usual paying of school fees.... I would also have a personal URA mentor to guide and support me... lol... that means I dun have to worry too much lar... can get some help when I first step into the working world.... so I wun be blur blur and keep knocking into walls... haha....

Although its a government bond for 4 years.... and government bonds don't really sounds nice... but... I think it dosen't matter much to me lar... 4 years isn't too long a time. and i dun think I would want to break the bond... unless I'm super underpaid... or I get head hunted for another company :P

K lar.. thats all for today... bye :)

I'm feeling very confused now.... Had a talk with ej about myself.... It seems that I am shutting myself out from other people. Its really bothering me....

hmm.... how to start.... k lar.... lets quote an example.... Take the most recent event... my A lvls result.... I think most of you might have known my result already lar... AAA and B3.... It is supposed to be a very happy thing.... but somehow I do not feel the joy.... I am shutting out all my happiness from the others around me... I'm keeping my happiness all to myself... I am not sharing my happiness..... That is why I am not happy.... there is no one to share my success with....

So why am I doing this? Because I am worried about what others think of me. I care too much about what others think.... This is why I do not dare to share my happiness.... I fear that when I initiate the talk about my result with others, and when others didn't do as well.... They would think that I am showing off..... That is why I do not initiate to ask others about their result.... I'm scared that people might think 'yar lar.... u 3 As... hao lian lar.... ' Or maybe when others reply they didn't do as well... then perhaps I say, 'nvm lar, u did your best' Then people might think... ' of cos nvm lar, its not u who get such results....'

You know... sometime I wonder... would I be happier if I get a lousier grade? Then I can go around asking people their grades..... then when people reply they didn't do well... then I can say... same same lar... or perhaps when people do better, then I can reply good lar..... You know... then I wouldn't have to carry the burden.... I would perhaps feel better since there are people around to share the joy with....

Then ej was like saying.... Don't think that what others think is always right and push all the blame on myself. If others think that I am showing off.... they are just jealous of me. And its not my fault... it is them who are in the wrong for thinking this way....

I've been thinking alot about what he said..... It makes sense.... but somehow I can't shut the thoughts out of my mind....

I just recalled something I saw on tv... its a biography of Hans Christian Anderson... a famous writer of children books. There is this thing that the teacher of anderson said.... There is this fine line between being imagniative and going crazy. And Anderson is at the brim of his imagination. And more of it, the cup will overflow and he will go crazy.... that is why the teacher bars him from writing anymore books at one time. Because if he continues to write and imagine, he would go crazy.....

I am very worried about myself.... am I already thinking too much? You know I have insomia problems just because I can't stop thinking about things. Every night when I lie on my bed preparing to sleep. Things just keeps flashing through my mind. I have to force my mind to go blank every night.... Sometime I really feel like going to a psychiatrist to seek help.... I really dun want to carry on thinking too much..... I fear that the line might snap if this carries on....

Hmm... I guess the first step is to slowly realise the fact that what others think may not always be right. Actually... I've already been trying very hard. Since I got my chance to start anew in jc... I've changed the way I look and deal with things.... But I guess it still isn't enough.... Right now... I have yet another chance to start over again. NS.... I really hope by then I would really have overcome this problem.

Anyway... I would like to thank the few people whom have been around to share my joy. I didn't hold back from you all because I believe that you all know the actual me.... I'm really grateful to these people because without them.... I really won't feel happy at all even though I get such a result.

First and foremost, my aunt.... She has been a great support... showering me with compliments and encouragement. She is the one the recognise my effort.....

Next would be my grandmother. She is also there for me when I came home, and spent the time talking to me... hearing me brag about my result....

After which is my cousin. She called my almost immediately after I got my result.

Following that would be my friends.... especially those whom I've been around with for these 2 days.... Kerling, Eng jin and chou chun... Also to all those whom came to congratulate me....

But I am very sad to say..... I'm not really happy about my parent's reaction. Especially my mom.... They just have no idea how well I did. I've explained that I am among the top few in my school already.... but then they just couldn't see it. My mom just compared me just now with all the super scholars, getting like 8 or 9 As in a report in the newspaper.... You know how bad I felt or not... Hey.... arn't I doing enough.... Those super scholars are just way beyond me..... It would be indeed a miracle for me to beat them.... How can I be compared with them? Don't they know that there are still hundreds more that can only envy my result? I can forget about them not giving me any compliments.... but hey.... don't put me down okay....

Haiz... so yar... I'm really grateful to have the 4 groups of people that I have mentioned in the past paragraphs... Without them... my As would be meaningless.... Thank you.....

I promise I would really try hard not to think too much. Actually... I would also wish to thank ej too for bringing this matter up today.... It gives me a reminder that there is still alot more that I can do to improve. Thanks....

With that I'll end this entry.....

WOHO!!!! So happy :D Haha.... K lar....

Disclaimer: I know the following will seem to be a little bit hao lian... but well... since this is my blog and I can't hao lian in real life... so let me just hao lian here lor... Haha.... So if u think u might not want to read the following, then do skip this entry :)

K... I start liao ar...

WOHO!!!! LOL!!!! AAA B3!!!! I never expect that I would to so well!!!! lol.... All my maths, physics and econs got an A, then english can also get a B3 :D :D :D...... LOL... really didn't expect it... All I was hoping for is just be a normal student... go school get result... if not too bad then happy liao.... but then... LOL... this is a very big surprise.... Cos yar.... even though I was already expecting As for my maths and physics.... I didn't expect myself to get it for econs as well.... Cos that time if u have read my entry.... I thought I screwed up my essay section... which has the highest weightage among all the other section... That time I know that what I wrote wasn't going to make it cos the standard was still lousy, the preparation that I did for it was all wasted as I didn't get to use it.... U know that time I felt so bad... especially because mr syn called the group of us together and said that he was relying on us to get the As for him.... so when I knew I wasn't going to do well... I felt bad because I'm not up to his expectation.... So yar... I was expecting a C for it.... in the best scenario a B.... but never did I imagine that I could get a A for it! lol...

The school actually called me this morning, asking me to go to school earlier and meet at the conference room. I asked them wad is it and they didn't want to tell me, they just say its good news.... So I thought maybe I did well for the exam... but then I thought again... how could it be? cos I knew I had screwed up my essay.... When I reached school.... went up to the conference room... then I finally accepted that fact that I really did well..... haha.....

After that we were dismissed and went to the hall lor.... we were supposed to go up the stage and collect our result slip from the principle.... LOL.... I was really nervous then.... When I took the photo with the principle... my leg was shivering!!! lol.... then facial expression is like frozen... but I still forced myself to smile at the camera... haha.... I was really really nervous then :S BUt after that... everything is fine :) I saw my result slip... and this is a confirmation that I really did well :D

After that went to look for the other guys in my class lor... received some congrats from them, other classmates and my teachers :) Then me kerling and cc went for high tea? haha.... perhaps dinner lar... then shop around for some army stuffs. then thats about it lar.....

Okay... here are some expectations from my teachers and my reply to them :)

Firstly... mr syn... haha... yay!!! I've done it :D I've earned an A for you :D I would like to thank you for marking our essays... especially those around the prelims.... can tell that u really put in effort to mark all the essays that we submitted to you :) Thanks :)

Secondly... ms lim! haha.... my GP also not too bad lar :) U told me during the meet the parent session that u want my GP result to be in the top5 of the class.... so I think the result should be enough lar... haha....

Thirdly.... mrs kwang!!!! haha.... U want be to get an A, I got it! Haha... I think she remembered me and said that to me because that time I went to her and say that I dun want to attend the mock test that she gave us, saying that I'm tired, and I would want to study on my own at night after I get some rest during the afternoon.... Haha.... I was the only one who came up to her and want to skip her lesson lar... so maybe thats why she remembers me.... so on another day... I met her and she said... boon kiat... must get me an A ar.... haha.... I think she must be thinking.... 'u skip my lesson and study on ur own.... so u better get an A to save ur face...' haha.... duno if she is really thinking that way lar... but... this is what I assumed her to be thinking based on the situation then lar... haha.... So yar.... hey mrs kwang... I did it :D

This following teacher... hmm... didn't expect me to get a A... he estimated a C for me... Haha... and he is mr leong... lol.... and I scored beyond his estimation :D yay! Haha.....

K lar... well... I didn't let any teacher down... and the more important part is... I didn't let myself down....

Actually come to think of it... I deserve this result lar... after all I really put in effort to study this time.... I tried so many studying methods... forced myself to study..... and I finally made it :)

Hmm... thats all lar :) I would like to congratulate those whom did well :D For those whom didn't. Don't it it bother you too much, there are still many other routes in life that you can take, this isn't a dead end. :) All the best to everyone in their future endeavours :D

www.litbud.com unofficially launched!!!!!!!!! WOHO!!!!!

Yay... finally can take a break already :D The framework for the site is up... From now on its only minor updates and the addition of content :D HAha.... so yar... can take it easy already.... Haiz.... it hasn't been easy developing this site.... I put in alot of effort this time round... I think this is a work that I've placed the most effort in....

I've put in the entire month to set it up.... I have never done this before. I dun have much patience... so most of my work at just done in 4 hours... beyond that... I will get sick of it and stop doing it... but this time round... I'm also surprised that I can last so long... actually.... one month is almost at my limit already.... I'm feeling very tired and sick of it now... so if this site is still not ready by now... I'm gonna stop very soon....

I was reading computerArts mag... then there is this interview with a design studio... It was quoted that the people spend 3 months.... drank over a thousand cans of red bull... and 2 mental breakdowns.... on a project.... And there is this mercedes advert on tv.... One phrase says "can (duno how much) sleepness nights make a more comfortable ride." All these are highlighting the work and effort the people put in in the things they do.

I'm fortunate enough to only have spend 1 month on this.... and had only 1 mental breakdown... Haha.... I really broke down halfway through the process.... It was a time where I got mental block.... and I got so stressed that I had migraine almost everyday.... But... :) thats finally over.... I got inspired somehow someday... and things starts to flow again.... And I believe that my sleepless night is due to me sleeping too much... not because of my work... haha....

So yar... I really hope that this site would be a success and my effort will not go to waste :)

K lar.... so after reading this entry... faster go visit my site :D I give u the link here okay! www.litbud.com Just click on it :D Remember to bookmark it too :)

I almost vomit blood just now.... when everything seems fine.... things just took at 360' turn....

flash is really driving me crazy... there is this very annoying problem.... It can't load a movie within a loaded movie.... Meaning it can't have like triple layer of data to be loaded.... Or perhaps it can... but it seems so beyond what I can comprehend. I've seen another site being able to do that.. I'm trying to figure out how they did it....

Argh!!!!! I really put in a lot of effort in this site... hope it turns out okay.... dun waste my efforts.... For the past month... I've been sitting in front of the computer everyday... at first was drawing... and now scripting... haiz.... scripting is the WORST part.... but luckily its the very last part... hope that I can get past this hurdle....

K lar... wish me luck... bye~