Hmm... I seems that I have sort of a phobia of talking over the phone... :S I've search up the list of phobias but can't find one for my type of phobia.... There are 2 the come closest....

Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.

Telephonophobia- Fear of telephones.

First one... hmm... I'm only afraid of voices heard over the phone... not every sound that I hear....

Second one... I'm not afraid of the telephones... only talking tru it....

So yar... haha... maybe I can initiate one more phobia to add on to the list of phobias... maybe call it bkphobia? Dun be mistaken.... its not a phobia of me... lol...

I kind of realised this phobia quite some time ago... only recently it became a problem to me as I have to call up companies to ask for more information about their job offers... I have to like ready myself... and kind of force myself to make the call by telling myself that I won't be able to get any job if I dun even dare to call and ask about it....

This explains why, even towards my friends... I'm unwilling to call them... whenever possible I would use SMS to convey my msg..... I only call when there's a immediate urgent need to get their reply.... Kind of sad hur.....

Well... I tried to ask myself what am I afraid of.... and I got to 2 conclusion.....

First one... It maybe because since young... I've been kept away from calling my friends for too long..... During my primary school days... I used to talk over the phone with my friends..... Then my grandma dosen't like it.... so sometimes she would pick up my phone and scold my friends.... I always feel so embarrassed..... after some time... I stopped talking over the phone already.... except when I have to covey an urgent msg.... even in such a case.... its always kept short... nothing more....

When I moved on to secondary school... MSN came into my life... and replaced my mode of communication..... I can log on to the net for hours and chat online without my grandma stopping me.... She just thought that I'm playing games.... and she also can't scold my friends cos she can't type....

When msn chatting when out of trend.... Its the time where handphones become a commodity.... I also got my handphone... and since then.... sms has slowly replaced msn as my piority choice of communication....

So yar.... from primary school... I've been isolated from the use of phones.... till now... it has been like a total of 9 years? ( I started talking over the phone when I'm in pri 4 I think) 9 years is a long long time.... and this isolation slowly turned into fear.... as talking over the phone seems to alien to me....


The second conclusion is that I have very low self confidence.... I care too much about how others think of me... By talking over the phone I can't see the person's expression and his body language... I don't know what they are thinking of me.... There is too much uncertainty.... and this breeds the fear in me....

The reason why I lack self confidence may be due to up childhood again... but thats another entry for another time.....

And now that I know of the reasons of my fear... what do I do about them? Well.. there's actually nothing much that I can do... Whenever the need comes to make a phone call... I'll just force myself to do it... And hopefully someday... I can finally get used to making phone calls....

Haiz.... I know its very pathetic to me afraid of making phone calls especially in this world where uncountable phone calls are made at every instant and the phone is just an extension of the mouth.... But what to do?

K lar... thats all for now... bye~